Honor and Respect

Have you ever gone to your husband to talk about something that has been bothering you and in return get shut down and/or yelled at by him? Is there a “right” way to communicate? I wonder how many divorces happen because of unsettled conflict?

In life, we grow up, learning about conflict from the way we witnessed our parents handle it, and we then take that “learned” behavior and apply it to our family structure or relationship. Then, we take what we have seen or learned and bring it into our home or other relationships. We learn early how to avoid our problems or to confront them.

Either way, conflict resolution is not easy, especially when your heart is involved.

There are many factors that can contribute to these patches of miscommunication. There is conflict due to a matter of differences, such as our different personalities and preferences, and there is conflict due to character and morality. Understanding that God made us all uniquely different, with many various personalities, is the start of recognizing that there are multiple ways to resolve issues.

God Himself has three parts: the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, each functioning in a different role. When a woman marries her husband, she is now under the headship of Christ and her husband, just as citizens are subject to authorities. It is important to know what you bring into the relationship, such as the tools that you have learned in your personal journey thus far, a willingness and determination to open your mind to think differently and learn a new perspective, and remembering that nobody is perfect.

So what can we do when conflict happens?

The best thing to do in your marriage and relationships is to bring your request to God. Remember that your husband should be submitted to Him as well. If you’re thinking your marital problems are too small for God, think again. God cares about all the details in your life, especially your matrimony. Praying to God allows Him to intercede on your behalf. It’s as though you are handing over the issue to Him rather than trying to control the situation or your spouse.

Things to consider is whether or not it is the right timing.

Is it possible to wait and to ask God for the right time to confront your husband? While you seek and ask God for an answer, it gives you time to think about your emotions and response. We can easily be lead by our emotions, but the best thing to do is to think about how to communicate effectively. What has your husband told you that gets his attention? In what ways have you tried to approach him before which resulted into a big argument? Remembering what has worked in the past, and what hasn’t, will help you brainstorm on how to approach your husband.

Ephesians 5:3 states that, “Wife must respect her husband.”

Respect is not necessarily something that can be seen, but rather it is what you are doing unto the Lord. How do we do this? We must submit to them, as the Lord. Now, submission is not a bad thing. In fact, it is actually a good thing; however, many people have misused the word and turned it into something bad. When it is forced submission, telling the wife she has to do something or else, then it is not the way God intended for the word or authority to be used. Submission comes from the heart. Out of his love for you, we should want to submit to our husbands. We should trust and desire for them to take the lead and make decisions.

This does not mean that you shouldn’t share what you desire or want in the relationship. It does mean that God will work through you for your husband to be the man He created as your headship, and God will work through your husband for you to be the woman God created you to be. God created marriage for us to be more like His Son, Jesus. When we submit, we are coming before God as humble, knowing that, since God put your marriage together, He knows what You need to be more like Him. Let's start trusting what God gave us and believe that we can trust our husbands and their decisions, because God made an order that we know will be for our good. Next week I will talk more about what a humble heart looks like to the Lord, and why God loves a humble heart.

Until next week, let us pray:

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for giving us our husbands and gifting us with relationships where You are teaching us to learn and grow. You know it is difficult for us to understand not do things based on our emotions and to wait and listen to hear from You. Help us to be still, knowing You are working everything out for our good. Give us the strength to continue to fight through the disappointments, conflict and arguments, and really slow down to listen and think differently so we can demonstrate Jesus in our marriage and in our relationships with others. Give us discernment on when to approach our husband. May we wait for Your counsel and timing. Show us what our husband may need and may we be quick to listen. May we not get comfortable in our marriage, but continue to love, respect and honor what You have given us as a gift. We repent for any thought, word, or deed that has not been pleasing to You, and decree and declare my marriage is right where You want it to be. This way, we will persevere and make it a long and healthy covenant that others will gravitate towards and ask questions to make them want to do what we are doing. It is in Your precious Son Jesus’ name that we pray, Amen.

Love,

Eva

---

Pastor Eva Maria Jenkins is a writer, motivational speaker and a relationship coach. She lives in Las Vegas, NV with her husband. You can get more relationship tips on their Facebook page.